However, there's plenty of justification for a good old-fashioned rant when you play a ton of games and come across the same old design flaws time and time again. It's as if evil game designers are deliberatly trying to find new and varied ways to crush our spirits. So then, here's our definitive list of videogaming's Seven Deadly Sins: the annoying, spirit-crushing irritations that should be cast into the flaming abyss for all eternity.
PRIDE: Unskippable Cut-scenes
You know what it's like: you're pissed off and hellishly frustrated from being stuck on one particular section of a game that's continually handing your arse back to you. So what better than for a developer to intensify the red mist by needlessly stopping you from getting straight back into the action? Why let the player get on with the task at hand when there's an opportunity to roll out the same indulgently ponderous, elaborately animated sequence one more time?
Don't get us wrong, we love the element of reward that comes from a stylish bit of cinematic drama, and don't mind watching it once or twice. But not 17 times until our eyes are bleeding with incandescent rage. The fact that we're sucking at the game ought to be punishment enough - having to wait needlessly while we're reminded that humanity's fate is in our stupid shaking little hands is the sort of thing that has players reaching for the off button in no time.
Named and Shamed: Gears of War 2.
WRATH: The Rule of Three
It's hard not to wonder when in gaming history games designers decreed that three-stage boss encounters were a good idea. There you are, giving a gigantic mechanoid boss thing a good pasting - you've shot all his tentacles off and shards of metal and glass are exploding all around you. Job done. Except it couldn't possibly just die, could it? No because, under all that protective armour, is an even bigger mutated freak with a 100-foot arm and a rocket launcher built into his face. But, because you're a bad ass, you still manage to dance around his planet-destroying attacks and fire your last few RPG rounds into his tiny weak spot (three times, probably).
Victory! Except it isn't, because the deranged game designer has come up with an even more ludicrous, even more gigantic third stage of the boss battle, where the infinite ammo spewing creature of death summons the dead souls of all the previous dead bosses in the history of death to take you, the pluckiest of heroes. Goodness, could they possibly think of another way of doing things, ever?
Named and Shamed: All Resident Evil games ever, Mario, Dead Space, Metroid Prime series and countless others.
LUST: Quick Time Events
Blame this one on Yu Suzuki. What was the great man thinking when he decided to popularise the heinous concept of Quick Time Events in the seminal Shenmue? Hit right and A to dodge an airborne melon? Okay. What do you mean I didn't press them in time? It's enough to make you want to calmly invite Yu Suzuki around for tea and buns and then see how he reacts to having fruit thrown in his general direction. Would he swiftly duck to avoid the unexpected missiles, or grab the nearest joypad and foil the onslaught with a deadly X,B and left on the d-pad?
And what of Resident Evil 4, Fahrenheit, God of War, Heavenly Sword, The Bourne Conspiracy, and a hundred half-assed action adventures that have followed in Shenmue's wake? Sure, when QTEs works (notably in Resi 4 and God of War), they add a bit of reactive tension to spectacular animated sequences or as a finishing move tool for boss encounters. For the most part, though, game designers have massively overused the idea to ruinous effect, using them as a cheap prop to make games look more spectacular than they really are - and, of course, indulgently justify that first deadly sin under the guise of interactivity.
Named and Shamed: Sonic Unleashed, Quantum of Solace.
GREED: Respawning Enemies
Back in the mythical Good Old Days when entire game worlds were coded in less memory than the average animated GIF, you could forgive designers for conjuring up the concept of respawning enemies. It was simply too technically demanding for a large game world to keep track of precisely how many enemies had or hadn't been killed. As a result, more often than not, when you wandered back into a previously visited room, you'd be forced to fight the good fight all over again.
Nowadays, though, it's just plain irritating to come across this kind of old school game design, and more than a little lazy to boot. Usually you'll have something mundane in mind, like a spot of studious backtracking and booty collecting. However, rather than simply letting you run through an area you've already cleared, far too many games draw players into needless, protracted, painful battles all over again. Worse still are games featuring sections where enemies respawn infinity until you move beyond an arbitrary barrier. Resident Evil 5, a more recent culprit, endlessly spawned rabid dogs out of a single metal crate while poor Sheva stood uselessly on the other side of a metal gate. Seriously mister game designer, move on.
Named and Shamed: Metroid Prime, Ninja Gaiden, Call of Duty 4, Resident Evil 5.
SLOTH: Back-tracking
Can't be arsed to design a new level? Why not get the player to traipse all the way back through your puny, malnourished game? Oh, hello Halo, I didn't see you there! Part of the fun in most games (first person shooters in particular) is the constant sense of exploration and discovery, so there's rarely anything as insultingly cheap as a developer arbitrarily padding out the experience by forcing you turn around and slump right back the way you came - especially if it means tackling the same sodding enemies you just battled through in the first place (For more information, see 'GREED').
Certain games can get away with it, of course, and we're less likely to complain if you've managed to pack your level with stunning detail that absolutely begs a second glance. As a rule of thumb, if your game justifies a retread by creating a tangible sense of place with its own logical rules - think survival horror games with their endless locked doors and realistically placed puzzle items - then it's A-OK. Otherwise, just no.
Named and Shamed: Halo.
ENVY: Disappearing Booty
You've just slogged your way through a really tough section of the game and the floor is littered with bodies, all cupping tempting ammo and collectibles about their person - or, at least, it was just a second ago. How irritating is it when games decide that you've had your chance and no longer can you pilfer that discarded ammo clip or that health pack? Quite irritating, is the answer. Most recently, chart-topper Resident Evil 5 thought it might be really good fun to pull this trick on players who deigned to wait more than about 60 seconds before attempting to collect their prizes. If we'd left the room, we'd still be cross but at least we could blame it on some obsessive scavenging deity. Astonishingly, Resi 5 couldn't even wait that long and whisked away your winnings in front of your eyes. Goodness me Capcom, into the flaming abyss with you.
Named and Shamed: Resident Evil 5.
Gluttony: Scripted Physics
Another of our personal gaming bugbears are those titles with the kind of crazily improbable scripted physics that have you shouting like a mentalist at the television. Picture the scene: you've lined up your attack with laser precision, you've saved your most powerful weapon for this specific enemy and you've timed your blast to perfection so they get it right in the face. Only, the game has decided that it must finish its pre-scripted animation sequence first - despite the fact that the force of your rocket-propelled grenade would be enough to level a solid wall. Quite often, not only does your foe fail to flinch, they end up right on top of you. Dang, it's not a good day for Resident Evil 5 today is it?
Named and Shamed: Resident Evil 5.
